As I sit here in the comfortable familiarity of a Starbucks at the halfway point of the 2016 General Conference, my mind and heart feel like they are swirling around. The past week has been an emotional and spiritual roller coaster. At points I felt so grateful that I was given the privilege to be here and that we have an awesome church that is truly transforming the world. Then the roller coaster would come crashing down and I wanted to bag it all and join the circus! So I thought maybe trying to get some of these thoughts on paper (computer) might help me keep from sending my resume to the Shriners. So here are the Seven Things I’ve observed/learned about myself in the first week of General Conference:

1. The United Methodist General Conference (UMCGC) feels like a glimpse of heaven—people of every tribe and race singing to God in one voice; sitting in a circle and hearing each other’s stories, struggles and joys (the differences and similarities around the world) as we seek to be the church; and bring an important United Methodist witness to the world. On the other hand…

2. The UMCGC also feels a bit like I imagine Washington DC does—back hall conversations; political and procedural maneuvering; telling people how to vote rather than trusting them to discern; and the pervasive belief that everyone that speaks has ulterior motives.  For me this is exacerbated by our parliamentary process—which leads me to say…

3. Roberts Rules may provide “order” but I believe they also stifle the spirit.  It is impossible to listen fully when you have to be thinking how to make a motion, amendment or simply how to que up something in the keypad (#lowtechGenXer). And, those waiting for translation (or simply processing what was said) can not act fast enough to be a part of the conversation.  I don’t like this because…

4. As hard as it is sometimes, I need to hear the voices of my conservative brothers and sisters. The Holy Spirit speaks through them to convict me of ways I have not believed in God’s ability to work miracles in this day and age; of the need we all have for God’s saving power for this life and the next; and how discomfort often stifles my urgency to share this Good News.  At the same time…             Photo:  Rebecca Trefz, Dakotas Conference clergy delegate listens during a plenary sessiojn at General Conference 2016. Photo by David Stucke, Dakotas Conference Communications.

5. As hard as it is sometimes, I need to hear the voices of my progressive brothers and sisters.  The Holy Spirit speaks through them to convict me of ways I need to respond to the scriptures that speak to the uncomfortable reality that I am not loving my neighbor who is different from me.  They stretch me and challenge me to look beyond my own personal privilege and bubble of safety and comfort and to realize the things that are hurting my brothers and sisters around the world—and the things hurting our very world—are “my problem” too.  Of course, listening to these perspectives further shows me how much…

6. I hate cognitive dissonance. I want things to work out neatly and cleanly in my heart and mind. And yet, I wonder if that’s what is meant by being in the world but not of the world—that there will always be some dissonance—because otherwise I’m not really in the world or I might be living of the world. And so I’m trying to live in the discomfort. But amidst the struggle…

7. I am so grateful to be a part of the Dakotas Conference. Throughout the week, I have received emails, texts and Facebook messages with words of encouragement and prayer. They have come from people of all “theological leanings” and hopes for how things “turn out” at General Conference. And yet not once have I felt like there was any motive other than their care for me and for the church we love. In an environment that often feels filled with paranoia and distrust, it is what keeps me going (that and the tremendous amounts of caffeine delivered by my awesome team here and snacks sent by my wonderful covenant group!) I am proud to be a United Methodist from the Dakotas because I have been formed and shaped, comforted and challenged by so many faithful disciples of different views and ways of living out their faith in Jesus. It isn’t always easy to be in this “family” but it is worth it! So as I enter week two, that is the lesson I hold onto—that and the lesson that a smile goes a long way in the midst of challenging times!